


Cowardice

by Ulqueleh (Ulquii)



Series: It hurts to love you [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Confrontations, Conversations, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I think that's it - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kinda, Love Confessions, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Requited Unrequited Love, Self-Love, Shiro (Voltron) is engaged, Unrequited Love, is this cheating?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:46:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26946916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ulquii/pseuds/Ulqueleh
Summary: “Oh, Shiro,” he said, tone soft, half-turning to him, “Hey.”He mouthed for a moment, not knowing how to deal with this.He wasn’t ready.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Shiro/Curtis (Voltron), Shiro/Man (Voltron)
Series: It hurts to love you [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1965667
Comments: 14
Kudos: 41





	Cowardice

**Author's Note:**

> Part 3! 
> 
> Prepare for the angst!

“You could talk about it, you know?” 

He looked up, the exhaustion on his eyes making him have to close them tightly and take off his reading glasses, sighing heavily. 

“I know...” he said, shaking his head, trying to shake off the memories tormenting him, “I know, it’s just...” 

The chair creaked slightly and he heard steps in his direction, feeling hands smooth up from his shoulders to the center of his chest, lacing together with affection in a loose hug while his temple was kissed. And even if he wanted to be comforted by it, to be calmed down and for it to relieve his tension, it only reminded him of the mistakes he kept committing. 

“I’m here for you, Takashi,” he murmured, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck, kissing his pulse, “For anything you need.” 

He bit his lips, trying to retain a sigh, and he frowned when he felt his lips keep kissing him, drawing a line to his ear while his hands slipped down and wandered over his chest deliberately. He gasped when his fingers caught his nipple over the soft shirt and he snatched away his wrist, making him let go. 

“Takashi?” he heard him doubt while he stood up, turning off his tablet and going for the door. 

“I need air.” 

He closed the door behind him, fully aware he had left him too confused and concerned, especially without answers of what had been bothering him. But while his steps lead him away from him and their now shared apartment, away from an imminent marriage, he repeated to himself that he needed to find a solution to his thoughts before even dare to attempt to talk it through with him. 

His feet dragged him to the rooftop, the heavy door closing with a loud thump, and he startled when he noticed he wasn’t the only one in need of the fresh desert air, the black hair wavering with the air leaving him frozen in front of the door. 

“Keith...” 

He turned when he heard the door and his voice, causing him panic the moment their eyes met. 

“Oh, Shiro,” he said, tone soft, half-turning to him, “Hey.” 

He mouthed for a moment, not knowing how to deal with this. 

He wasn’t ready. 

“Hey,” he repeated back, aware that he had stayed silent for too long, making it uncomfortable, “I- Uh... I didn’t know you were here, sorry. I’m going to go and-” 

“Actually,” Keith interrupted carefully, walking away from the edge of the roof and stepping closer to him, “can I talk to you?” 

He swallowed, nodding, and he followed him to the edge once again, leaning over the railing and hoping it would break and let him fall three stories instead of having this conversation. 

“Is everything alright?” he asked, feeling his voice strained, so he cleared his throat, trying to let out the tension. 

“Yeah, it’s just...” he started, his hands fidgeting over the railing, “Are you okay?” 

The question surprised him, because he expected anything else except for that, and really, even if he didn’t have answer for anything else, he didn’t know how to answer that, either. 

“I... uh...” he mumbled, staring into the horizon, “Yeah, why?” 

Keith shrugged and sighed. 

“You’ve been acting a bit weird lately,” he answered, “You know, since the night you got engaged.” 

Or the night he found a Keith with streaks of tears down his cheeks and a furious Matt for not having been sincere with him, spitting out all his truths and forcing him to confront everything he had been blocking ever since before Kerberos. 

“I...” he started, blinking, trying to school his expression enough for his annoyance to not be noticed. 

But Keith knew him too well. That worsened things a lot. 

“Is everything fine?” he asked softly, turning to him, “With Curtis? With your relationship?” 

He breathed out harshly, not wanting to look him at the eye, and he flinched when he felt his hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. 

“Shiro?” 

He shifted away to get away of his hold, making it look as if he was just rolling his shoulders, and turned to him, giving him a smile. 

“Everything is fine,” he answered, the steadiness of his voice surprising him, “It’s just been a few tired days. I think I still can’t believe we’re engaged.” 

He saw his hand, still in the air between them, curl into a fist, and Keith looked down, taking a deep breath. 

“To be honest,” he started in a quiet voice, hair hiding his eyes, “I want to tell you something.” 

The air changed then, and Shiro knew what that meant. 

“The night you got engaged I... had a conversation with Matt,” he explained carefully, clearing his throat before continuing, “And I have to say I really needed it, because, if I hadn’t had it, I wouldn’t be able to do this.” 

Keith looked up to him, determination in his gaze scaring Shiro, and he took a breath, straightening his back and shoulders. 

“I’ll get over you,” he declared, and Shiro frowned, opening his mouth to say something he didn’t have ready. 

“What?” 

Keith sighed, biting his lower lip and then looking away. 

“I’ve been behind you for so long, Shiro,” he said, his fingers fidgeting in front of him, “I’ve been waiting for you and believing that at some point you’re going to look back at me and requite my feelings. 

He gasped, recalling weakly two words yelled in desperation, in a falling apart station, the cracking of metal in the background and the gravity pulling them to a dying star. 

“But it’s been too much,” he said with a huff, bitterness filling his face, “I can’t keep thinking, delusion myself, that for once you’re going to turn to me and say it back. 

“Keith...” he tried, a sharp pain appearing in his chest when he heard the slight sign of a sob in his voice, his own eyes starting to water. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” he said, with a broken smile, “Much less if you’re going to marry Curtis and not me.” 

This time it was Shiro who sobbed, bringing a hand to his mouth to keep the rest of them fall from his lips. 

“So that’s that,” he concluded, shrugging it off, “I’ll get over you. Because I prefer you to be happy and deal with it instead of pretending that everything is alright with me and that seeing you with someone else doesn’t hurt me.” 

“Keith,” he said again, still not knowing what to say after saying his name, but he felt like if he said it enough times, he would stop thinking that and listen to him, “Wait, Keith...” 

But he shook his head, taking a step back and away. 

“Not anymore, Shiro,” he said, now giving him a sincere grin, despite the tears starting to fall from his eyes, “I won’t wait for you anymore.” 

He saw him pull away in slow motion, as if time itself wanted him to take that moment to think on what to do, on what to say. But it was what Keith murmured below his breath that made him take action: “What I wait is for you to be happy.” 

Shiro grasped his hand quickly, making him turn. 

“What...” 

“No,” he said, shaking his head but holding his gaze, “No, Keith. You don’t have to get over me.” 

Keith frowned, wiping a side of his face with the back of his hand. 

“What?” 

"I was an idiot, Keith," he said with a bitter laugh, "I was too stupid to think that I had to ignore this. That it wasn't worth it to feel the same as you because either way you'd change your mind after knowing who I really am, what I've been through, of how broken I am." 

“Shiro...” 

He pulled him a little, staying over his space, and Keith looked into his eyes, the surprise brightening his face. 

“You’re in your right to be angry,” he agreed, sighing, “Because I really messed this all up. But I want you to know it, Keith. I want you to know that I’ve always loved you.” 

He heard him gasp quietly, his hand tightening on his as an anchor. 

“W-what...?” 

“I’ve always loved you,” he repeated, scoffing, “Maybe not the way you did when I left for Kerberos. But after... Keith...” 

He cradled his face, thumb crossing over his cheek. 

“Up there,” he said, pointing with his head to the sky, “Up there I convinced myself that I had to protect you, that I had to make you notice that I wasn’t worth it, because there was no way I could deserve someone as extraordinaire as you.” 

“Shiro,” he muttered, his voice light in hope, his eyes clearly showing his disagreement of Shiro’s worth, because he was as generous as that. 

“And now,” he continued, releasing his hand and cupping his face with his other hand to keep their gazes locked together, “here, I realized that the only thing I’ve been doing is protect myself from being hurt. Which is ridiculous because you could never hurt me, Keith, you’ would never hurt me...” 

Keith let out a breathy laugh, a sob getting caught at the beginning, and his hands held Shiro’s on his face, giving them a comforting squeeze. 

“I’m so sorry, Keith,” he said, pitying himself, pitying to what he had done because of the fear, “I’m sorry for being such a coward.” 

Suddenly, Shiro found himself wrapped by Keith’s arms, his nape being held by his hand and his head resting over Keith’s shoulder, fingers threading gently through his buzzcut. 

“I understand, Shiro,” he murmured against his skin, against the neck of his shirt, “I get it.” 

Shiro cried quietly, his now empty hands finding place on Keith’s waist and holding onto him with everything he had. Because who he needed was Keith, his genuine love, his desire to be with him and exist only for him. And he knew it was mutual, because it was impossible for him to fall in love with Keith with the same power, with the same intensity. 

“But I can’t accept it just like that.” 

Shiro tensed, Keith pulling away from him slowly and caressing the side of Shiro's face, a broken sob falling from his lips. 

“W-what...?” 

Keith smiled, tilted to a side and a bit tight, and carefully let go of his body, leaving him swaying over his feet. 

“I’d love to forgive you and keep following you around,” he explained softly, pain still tinting the edges of his voice, “But I have to take a moment to live without you.” 

“B-but,” Shiro stuttered, rushing to take his hands the moment they left him, “Keith, wait, you don’t believe me?” 

Keith scoffed, the glint on his eyes being too honest. 

“I believe you,” he murmured, “And I know it’s been very hard for you. But I can’t forgive you so easily and let go all the pain you’ve inflicted on me.” 

Something broke inside Shiro. Because one thing was for his consciousness to tell it to him, for Matt to yell it at him, for their past to remind him, and something very different was for Keith himself to say it, with all the maturity and responsibility Shiro had seen grow in him with every step he took in Earth, in space, in time. 

“Oh...” he whispered, blinking and stepping back, shaking his head slowly, “I... I understand... That’s...” 

“Also,” Keith continued, taking and turning his left hand and showing to him the ring he had adorning his finger, announcing an engagement to someone else, “You’re with Curtis. Remember Curtis?” 

He gasped, bringing his other hand to his shock-open mouth and almost covering his entire face with his massive altean hand. 

“Oh, fuck,” he cursed, seeing Keith snort, “I... I’m sorry. I didn’t-” 

“I know,” Keith cut him short, sighing, “Just... give yourself time, too.” 

Shiro’s brow furrowed in worry, seeing him look down to his left hand and start to loosen his hold on it, letting it go while leaving a little caress on the back. 

“Keith,” he called, wanting him to look at him in the eye, “I know it’s a lot to ask, but-” 

“I won’t wait for you,” he declared before he could even make the question, making it feel like a punch to the gut, “Is your turn to do so.” 

Shiro mouthed, nodding with hesitation, and Keith gave him a smile, stepping back and taking a breath. 

“Thank you, Shiro,” he said, biting his lip for a second, “Thank you for telling me.” 

Shiro sighed, and even if he would have loved to take his hand and stop him before he walked away, to cup his face and kiss him to let him know how real his feelings were, he knew he had to deal with his own problems first. 

So he just nodded again, now more firmly and decisively, and seeing his honest smile, this time without more tears aside from the ones already dried, he knew that his efforts, whether they worked or not, would be worth it. 

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) (including the [LLF Comment Builder](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/commentbuilder)), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates responses, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to comments.
> 
> If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (sometimes I feel shy when I’m reading and not up to starting a conversation, for example), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!
> 
> ~
> 
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